What happened to you? What is it that you refuse to discuss? Well known to embellish. Stories glorified from moments most certainly made up. Why not tell your story? Let us see your grit and your grime. The truth is so much more interesting than the lie.
You were my first superhero. I wrote a story about how you saved the world; about how strong you were. I plead the case for why you were #1, The Best Role Model for all the little girls to come. You taught me how to laugh. You taught me it was OK to cry. You encouraged me to be whomever I wanted to be and that women were most beautiful when they were free.
I remember you telling me the only person I needed to worry about at the end of each day was myself. Not to worry about anyone else, “the wrestling match is between you and yourself.” I think of that often. How is it that you live with yourself, having abandoned me on that fortnight. Left me to slay dragons with an empty armory, save the harmony of my heart and the symphony within my soul to inoculate me.
Imaginary protection hung off my innocence, giving me an illusion of normalness, intact, though lacking a sense of commonness. Living in the clouds above the rest, waiting for the day that they join the sky-fest, fly-fest, best-crest: steadfast and reckless.
What is our family crest? Why do you feel that this story is better laid to rest? Why can’t you remember the connection we made as I laid upon your chest suckling at your breast? Despite what you may think, I do not hate you. I love you. At times those two things can look a lot alike; but pick up the phone or come home. Maybe neither of these are options anymore, but Mom, I Love You.
I know that you were abused too. I know you have been hiding in the shadows for what must seem like an eternity. I know, that for you, honesty would be revolutionary. I know authenticity is all you ever wanted from me and like a fire I rose.
Like the light on the darkest of nights that I cannot hide, I am the Phoenix. And like a bird, I took flight. I soared high. I fell in love with the sky. And for that, I thank you. You are the flame that fuels my life. I only want to tell you that.
I want you to think about what good you did as you lay down your head. That when you are wrestling on the darkest of nights you can remember my light. The good that you did in your life.
It only takes a spark, and I fused, built to ignite. Someone just had too lite it.
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